idiot boyfriend ( gold medal )
+++


th jungle remains
cant find th string for th industrial
whipper snipper

mowed th front yard though

+++


more drugs over here

+++


still stretching
fuckin knee's not gunna be up to
mad unicycling today


stiff as

+++


got my head down
to th knee
straight leg

both knees


both are sufferin
hamstrings are complaining too


what ya get

+++

brother says
kuta lady rang back and left a message on th phone
thanks babe

+++


ok jen
anti inflammatories on both knees
i'll apportion th pot
we get out of it
and

do some light stretching

+++

"couple of buds floatin around th car"

+++


still pickin bits of paint out of my skin

+++



watched th last show of
coupling

series three i think

+++


on ya jane

+++


im not ringin my jane
today

valentines day

+++


got cold feet
and it's still summer

+++


waitin on that vital
piece of information that a man needs
has your fuckin kid moved out of your bedroom ?

+++


what is he now ?

nine ?

+++


it'll keep me away for a while yet

+++


dont like arguin with a young man
that i want his mother alone for a while


rod for your own back girl

+++

"when he doesnt rule your house"
"give me a call"

+++


"waddya think ?"
he'll fold

bennie still lives at home
still ridin th unicycle i gave him

pj's in nz
overseas

"she thinkin"
they were two messages
both short

and not inter related
how smart are you ?


i want my shovel back

+++


"we had some good times"
yeah
but th thievery stops outside th door

+++


"she bought a falcon couple of models later than ours"
"became a car detailer"
"what were we doing when we lived with her ?"

workin in a spray shop

+++

"you just bein patient ?"
jane's not gunna let go

"like jane in coupling ?"
mad jane

call me a maniac
but i dont like destroyin beds
with little boys tryin to get in th door


when ya trust me
and ya put a lock on yur bedroom door
and you lock it


maybe then

+++

"my balls are more important than his whinging"

that;s about th size of it

+++



not unduly upset
if you cant live with those rules

and um
other ex girlfriend is talkin to me too

+++


"what did jane want to talk about in th car th other week ?"

sex

+++

"music pls"
"and some more drugs"

all audio random

on


do re mi
"09 racing to zero"

+++


yes pls

+++


one song off
"hymn of th big wheel"

+++


dont quite get windows thinkin here

+++


"was th sex life good ?"
yes
when she kicked her kid out of th room


"and when she's really horny ?"
he wouldnt dare

fiery redhead bitch then

+++


placebo
"daddy cool"

+++

hey little man if ya dont wanna come ridin
with th unicycle thru crowds of ppl

no-one's pushin ya

+++

think yur brother might like to

+++

"meet some stunning chicks"

+++


"last fridays were pretty cool"

+++


'think she sent us an email ?"

got about ten minutes access left
till thursday
wont know till then

"id give her some more rhythm coaching"

>>

+++


i take it this means yur not in a hurry
"no, i mean yes"

+++

presidents of the united states
"lump"

+++


there was this little piece
on th abc
was it ?

tonight

on who shot down th red baron

reckons it was an australian foot soldier

said he should be awarded a medal

+++


soft cell
"tainted love"

+++


"how many times we give our number out friday ?"

three i think

+++


"jeff came back for th last show with a sexchange"
in a dream

+++

nickelback
"leader of men"

+++


sorry babe
th wizard is pondering

i'm about caring for my body
not your strong suit

+++


"ya'd think an ex high priced hooker would"
just goes to show

+++


fuck you must of been stunning

th cocaine tales
and

eighties excess

since that boy hurt me
i umm


been able to think of you


gotta be some way we can do this

+++


bill hicks
"lift me lord"

+++

"they always wanna own ya first time out"
if we go again it'll be third

"i think it's a foregone conclusion"

+++

do re mi
"big accident"

+++

you goin by past examples ?
"waddya reckon ?"

+++


"bumped into her in th street"
"said she'd been down th valley"
"We were wizarding along in th city"

"seven months to th day"

such a chick thing

+++

seventh girl i lived with

+++



"slow torture"


+++



hey my testicles arent her fault



+++



"when yur ready you'll give her a call"

+++

"i know this boy"
dont complicate things

+++


i want my ten months free

+++

cat stevens
"wild world"

+++

exactly
thanks cat

+++


can come home
smelling of th lovely
asian australian girl

and th guy who cuddled me
and that other chick

without any fuckin emotional problems

+++


virtually stopped performing
when i lived with jane

hangin on with both hands



"can have an hour and a half"
"meet ya at th casino"


it aint singin till dawn

+++



"on th other hand"
"our other girlfriend at th time"
"we could walk in th door at five am"
"no worries"


morticia


"lets hookup for coffee and whatever"

hmm

+++


the rolling stones
"angie"

+++

"will pooh ring late tonight upset ?"

+++


she's th dark horse

"not if lee came to brizzy"

how do i get into these messes ?

"just gaze down"


fuckin testicles
what you been doin ?

+++


"he said we had patience"
want to with my girlfriends

gotta be fair though

i'm unique
and i definitely aint easy

+++


"libby's song"

+++


fuck libby

+++


i gotta have dinner with michael th barrister
someone else who calls me family

few out there


+++

coldplay
"spies"

+++

"was an interesting chat"

yes


+++

not tellin us anything we dont know michael
we accept it

"have a look at th colour of my skin brother"

+++

yeah im confused maree

so confused


and very patient

+++


only a man who suffers blue balls every day
knows th meaning of patience

you ever tried to screw a woman ?

+++


when i was younger
i thought nuthing of gettin up
half way thru
and walking out

im used to th pain

not that desperate


watch yur fuckin tongue

+++

im old and cranky
and th government wont put me in a closed room
with a woman

+++

van gelis
"chariots of fire"

+++


gotta be other men out there

who suffer

+++


hypersensitive testicles

pot and a unicycle works for me [cuts th blood supply-comfortably
numb]

women dont



as a rule


i find that sad


still tryin to find a way

means some brutal honesty with my girlfriends


i dont like being in pain


both of em
thought i was fuckin someone else

diary public on th net
and you lived with it in yur bedroom

come on

+++

led zeppelin
"dazed and confused"

+++


welcome

+++

i wanna sleep with my ex centrefold again
and watch her go over th edge seven times
before we go out clubbin

why i sing th lesbian blues
on street corners

she wanted me to be a girl
not th first

my fingers are too slow
will ya hurry up and get off bitch ?
i wanna go nightclubbin


not that i;d be that crass
"well me anyway"


i would be


+++


"was my girlfriend"
"yours lives on th edge of th island"

+++


was fun for a bit

+++


ya need a holiday from th emotional storm

+++


runnin more than one girlfriend can be harrowing
doin it with an online diary
that they can both read
is suicidal

but we went there


to try it


hmmm


"how about three ?"


+++


only if we moved back into html
and money picks up

girlfriend always cost money
"not always"
"i know this one girl"
+++


i dont recommend it in anyway
especially while doing drugs

and singin in th street

+++


kylie minogue
"loving days"

+++


"chucked a hissy fit"
"and told both of em to get fucked"
"gunna have th sexchange"
"and entered th program"

"then decided i couldnt go thru life wearin a shirt"

"thought i better slow down and"
"maybe think on it a while"


"dont wanna be a eunuch"

"talkin to em both again now"
"and morticia is a qualified counsellour"
"went out with her for three years"


"i'm practising my selective deafness"
"i can care for my body"


"but not if i'm listening to you"

+++


city high
"best friends"

+++


morticia and i
never tried livin together longer than three days

kept it hot for a long time

+++


last she heard
i was goin to be doing
music magazine deliveries
down th gold coast

each week

+++


i'm offline again

+++


and still singing and unicycling in th street

+++



the offspring
"why dont you get a job ?"

+++

ya really wanna know ?

last one they sent me to


this boy put me in a room with 350 odd women
all tryin to sell somethin

lotsa perfume and


i pulled some major testicle pain

slow torture

+++


docs tell me
it's probably
background pheremones


just goes straight to th testicles

i smoke a lot

helps if i cant smell all th perfume

had like five smokes
all day


+++


let's not be in a hurry man
take yur time

+++


this is just normal human experiences for paulie

+++

coldplay
"shiver"

+++


every chick has heard it
from some guy

but um
some of my girlfriends have seen me
go grey


and a couple of my mates

no-one knew i had a problem till 27

i hid it good
thought it was normal

fuck men are stoic creatures


then i met a girl
who was a lesbian bouncer
and cook
at th country cub

we were chasin th same chick


th pub prick teaser
cute too

nother girl named libby

i married th bouncer
after fuckin th chick

came clean
so to speak


and we were married and

stayed together longer
than i had ever manaaged

previous was eighteen months


round two years we hit th doctors

fuck
umm


umm


that nerve's never done anythin since twelve but hurt

if we cut it
it may

phantom pain

cant give an absolute promise

maybe with full sexchange
with th mental changes
and everything

you may


certain tendencies there anyway

married to a bull dyke man
twice my size

amazon maori chick


+++

pink floyd
"brain damage"

++

i'll say


still rolling along though
bad pun from an extreme unicyclist
"with two sore knees"



comfortably numb

fuck cuttin th nerve
i prefer natural remedies

wish i had little brother's or pooh's hearing

+++

">>"

+++

cant knock me down
and if ya do

it's temporary

+++


"hit a steel post with knee"
"still ridin"
"shoulda stopped"

no way

it's still workin and it's still warm
assess th damage


ok we've taken a hit


many bourbons and cones


city high
"didnt ya"

havin a good night

limp down to
rock spider's corner

"riding th unicycle"


and prop

sing and drum away

and then michael from
twenty years ago


pops out of th blue


"and a gorgeous little asian australian girl"

"and those two boys"
"and"

alright


liked bumping into michael


"stop kissing my head"
"boy next to me is getting ideas"
"already sitting next to me"


like you didnt flirt with him


"go away paulie"


"i went home alone"

gave yur number out


the beatles
"across the universe"


you ready to start dating again ?

"she stuffed me in a window by my hair paulie"

and ya cut it off
and it's grown back

boy hurt ya worse than she did
find th positives girl

"she smiled when she saw th hair"
"left my hairtie in th bathroom"


+++

kevin bloody wilson
"the festival of life"

+++


gunna leave th key to th choppers


they're girls bikes

i dont wanna ride em

i wanna shift th fuckers
without scratchin em

not my toys

i ride boys bikes

+++


back yard's a fuckin jungle

he thinks th th string is under th shit on that bench in th workshop

+++


do re mi
"05 warnings moving clockwise"

+++


"if we're goin in th workshop"
"jennifer two is goin in th vice"

"needs some tlc"
big hammer

"like i said"
"modified unicycle TLC"

+++


what do i have to do to comply ?
"two doctors opinions"
ill talk about it in next tuesdays meeting

smoke pot legally
would go down well in my wizard act


"already got th green light"

+++


i never did a job diary

i had a little surprise for em
they;re still reelin

+++


something for kate
"three dimensions"

+++


stimulation issues

+++


look mate
i dont fucking care
what you think you can do for my head

can YOU stop women behaving like women ?

then dont tell me my business

+++


"more qualified than you are"


+++


"we wont make it to ten months"
"it's part of th curse"

+++


dare to be different
be yourself


fuck i was naive when i wrote that

+++


"this lipstick is"
"be yourself"

why ya bought it

+++

not into cosmetics
"face paint"

>>

+++

regurgitator

"manana"

+++


i still like being me
friday
like most days

reads better than it lived


think that's a truism about reality

+++


"things look better on reflection"
with a positive mirror

+++

ya gotta have things to do
while ya wait yur turn to die

may as well try and have fun

+++

"which girl ?"

+++


my ten months isnt up

+++


massive attack
"protection"

+++


>>

love this

RANDOM

feature


+++



maybe i am psychic


>>

+++


"when we go buy condoms"
"can we get two sizes ?"

morticia loved that tale
"she loved readin it on th net"

"and how she fucked us twelve times in a weekend"

"and we saw like five chicks that weekend"


funny girl

"head witch"

">>"
"of th witches of eastwick"
"gold coast division"

"they were lookin for a warlock"


found a wizard


+++

th look in yur eyes sabrina

when i handed you that brand new car sponge


no i cant read your mind
and um

im not really aware of it
and why should i be ?


its; magic
i just expect it be there

and it is

you got th hose in yur hand
runnin around
pretty girl

lookin for yur car sponge

i dreamily bought one

on th way here


means i like ya

if i'm doin magic for ya


well you girls wanted to play with magic


i'm the real thing

why do ya think i laughed so much ?
when th girls were burnin their ex boyfriends names in th candle


shakespears sister
"02 catwoman"

hangon
catwoman


"it was catwoman lee who was burnin names"
"another of th witches of eastwick"

magic



real magic
provable everyday
all day


morticia's still freaking

her power went out
and i rang
like

on th second of th blackout

she picks up and


hi paulie




and catwoman-lee


wouldnt let her girls play with candles

and th girls hit me up
fix it hippie dude
we'll be careful

sat back down on th bed and

power went out

catwoman-lee and morticia and womble were all

cmon paulie
stop it

i was kinda out of it
and th kids had stopped screamin


im sensitive

+++

violent femmmes
"blister in the sun"

+++


dunno why i go out with redheads
lee's a redhead and jane

im almost black
they're invariably white

i love th beach


morticia is part norwegian
and part


maorie warrior princess



i got her on th beach once
at dusk
+++


lost my keys in th sand
and we took her kids home


and went back to th beach

and i found both of them

sensing for them



well distributed they were


she was impressed

+++


we were always ringin each other
when th other was gunna call

+++

"kuta lady too"
"she'd ring when my pain was real bad"

+++

lotsa complications

+++

"not to mention fear"
ours or theirs ?
"both"

+++


hmm


+++


ya dont get everything when yur psychic
it's fucked
cause it's human too
fallible

+++


stop givin ppl such high expectations of what it is to be magic
mostly it;s fucked

but occasionally
it's spectacular

+++

"like when a pretty girl smiles ?"

it's a work ethic

+++


that's th last official cone
aint runnin to th car

we'll get our couple of days straight this week

i like th idea
of bein able to smoke
pot

while leanin casually on th pole on my unicycle
[persoanl assistance vehicle]
[i'm disabled]

at th top end of
the fortitude valley


i know i do it now

just



i'd have a big bong
you know

..
..
..

wiz...

+++

p.s.


acdc
"night prowler"

+++

there isnt a street th wizard doesnt ride up
th wrong way

on his unicycle
in his rounds around th fortitude valley

the wizard travels everywhere
there's only one crime i police

dont let me catch you

+++


if i can stop myself fuckin em
so can you

and um i been ridin th wheel for
four hours


my legs are awful fast

and i grew up on a farm


i used to wrestle wild pigs to th ground
daily

you're havin this wormin tablet
you were born in th bush


>>

+++


i dont meet too many ppl who are as fit as i am
especially smokers

and
five years as a street entertainer
i clock faces

while putting smiles on dials


i ride thru all th parks
everywhere i go

any time of th night


and i dont call th police



i've only taken two punches
in five years


it's not bad

+++

who's askin for th toecutter ?
"not me mate"

one was an outright plea to sack that arsehole he had workin for him

th other was a request to borrow a shovel


both real short messages
and a couple of minutes apart


not that th cops would hassle me much
if it was a death threat

i'd only get home detention
dont know what do with my body


i want my shovel back jane
yur other boyfriend nicked it


if the messages were connected
i would have sent it in one

you said you'd throw my shovel over his fence
i'm still waiting for a call

yur son givin away my fridge
as a snake home
cool


my shovel ?

no


i used to unload semi trailers with that shovel
potting mix


and poured cement with th vietnamese builders with it

and poured cement in that huge nursery that we expanded

built a permaculture garden with it


got a pointy end on it


if i took off his truck
i'd be tempted tp spit th long pig


he's got hide that boy

but then


he's sufferin bad with th ill health


i dunno man
she told ya how many times ?
that i was a wizard


even commisioned a painting


+++


back announcing

"jennifer"
"too slow"

Archived from group: alt>acting